Things we do to be pretty...

(or simply have teeth in 15 years)

I had my second bicuspids on my maxilla pulled yesterday. It took me 30 years to get those suckers; 30 minutes to pull them out. I knew what the obstacles for a healthy bite were going to be, but actually having bloody, gapping holes where once there were (ecru-colored) teeth is a reality check. I have the best dentist and everything went smoothly. In addition to a painless procedure, i have no swelling, no pain afterwards, and clotting is going well.

I guess that in the long run I'll have the benefits of straight teeth. But what are these benefits? I already made it through high school without too much agony. I am already cocky with high self-esteem, I date an incredible woman, and my career is entirely in my hands.

Maybe part of me just needs to know, as my blogmate Rex told me, what it is people go through to be/feel/appear beautiful. In this case, all this fuss is an anthropology of teenager transformation. From what I have read online, braces in this country have become a common place experience for many 12 and 13 year olds, regardless of their actual orthodontic needs.

Whether this whole procedure makes me more beautiful, I don’t really care or know at this point, I just know it's a bitch to have invasive orthodontics at 31 (or any age).

What I am listening to:

"True I'd give my right arm
To keep you safe from harm
And, true, for you I'd move to Ecuador

And I'd keep a little farm
Chop wood to keep you warm
But I don't really love you anymore

I don't have to love you now
If I don't wish to
I won't see you anyhow
If that's an issue

Because I am a gentleman
Think of me as just your fan
Who remembers every dress you wore-

Just the bad comedian
Your new boyfriend's better than-
'Cause I don't really love you anymore

There'll be some day when your eyes
Do not enthrall me
I'll be numb, I realize you'll never call me

'Cause I've read your horoscope
And now I've given up all hope
So I don't really love you anymore

'Cause I've read your horoscope
And now I've given up all hope
So I don't really love you anymore"

I Don't Really Love You Anymore, by the Magnetic Fields

Some people need the right constellation to be in love; some people need the right constellation to realize that they are no longer in love. What about being in touch with one's emotions and knowing one or the other. It is in ourselves my dear Brutuses.

Hail for Halo

It has happened, I am a Beta Tester for Halo 3. Can't wait to see the upgrades. This makes having braces a little easier. :)

Brace Face

After 31 years of looking beautiful, I am about to start a 3 year program that will render me even more handsome. (Hold on to your knickers ladies, I am about to go up to "eleven"). Yesterday my orthodontist affixed braces to my upper teeth. Hopefully, this will correct my jutting overbite and return my teeth to where they belong -- above, not in front, of my lower incisors.

It is an odd thing to share more than one thing with teenagers. Besides kicking their collective ass on Halo 2 Multiplayer, now we all share the same metal smile. The ortho assistant fastened grey rubbers around each bracket. It seems that for my face, this color is the most discreet one; this is because my beard and hair also have lots of grey. Grey hair, grey beard, grey teeth... No I'm not that boring, I promise!

Copenhagen; Point Break II

Jokes and Funnies

Taking a piss at a local bar, i looked up and to the right over the urinal.

There I read this: "What are you looking up here for?, cuz the Joke is in your hand!"

Very Funny

Then I look down and to the left.

There I read this: " As Wichita falls, so falls Wichita Falls"

Very Witty

Image above: Mooninite Scare in Boston

Very Very Funny